We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
