just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
