..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
