What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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