Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
