The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
