i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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