It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
