i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
