My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
