This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
