My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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