I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
