I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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