Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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