ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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