the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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