If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
