Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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