just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
