Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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