i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
