Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
