i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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