You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize