I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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