dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
