every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
