We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just pee around me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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