her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
