I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
