Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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