Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
