if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize