Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
