She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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