why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
