There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
