in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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