Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
