I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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