So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize