I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
