and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
