i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
