Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
