hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
