WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
