Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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