I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
