Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
