you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
