they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
