I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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