just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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