the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize