Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
