I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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