Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
